Past-aholics Anonymous
by curiousbeing
Summary: Bella is just that kind of person who doesn't let go of the past easily. So when a new family arrives at the small town of Forks, will anything change? Or will she continue to move forward and backwards everyday? Still in the process of writing this fic, started a few years ago. Brought it up again. AU, AH, rated MA for a reason.
1. On Fire

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters. SM does. But still nobody can stop me from wishing it.**

 **Past-aholics Anonymous**

 **Chapter One**

 _On Fire_

I woke up with the sunrays of a new day hitting my face and my alarm clock screaming in my ears until I unplugged it. With my eyes still half closed because of the brightness, I took the bed sheets off me and jumped out of bed. I stretched my arms above my head until I heard my shoulders crack as I stood on the tip of my toes.

 _That's better_ , I thought with a satisfied smile on my face, _nothing tops a good stretch._

I took a quick shower, wrapping myself in a towel after I was finished. I let my ordinary mahogany brown hair dry naturally after I applied a lot of hair products to achieve the perfect look I was searching for. I smothered body lotion on before starting to dress.

It was Monday, and the first day of a new school year, so I decided to dress a little nicer than I was used to, giving a good first impression to those who didn't know me. I grabbed my old pair of dark skinny jeans, which made my ass look great, and a salmon colored blouse—my favorite color.

I put my slippers on, the ones my mother had given me last Christmas, and maneuvered through the house until I was in the kitchen. I inhaled greedily as the smell of fresh made something assaulted my nostrils.

"Mm...smells good in here," I praised, looking around to find the source of the smell.

"I know, right? You can thank me later," my mother smiled smugly while she turned the pancakes in the frying pan.

"Dream on! It's only fair that you're cooking today; I'm the one that is always with sauce on her clothes. If you don't set the kitchen on fire, we're lucky," I laughed wholeheartedly.

Renée was not known for her cooking, to put it nicely...

After eating the pancakes in haste and talking a bit more, I grabbed the keys of my red, rusty pick-up truck and went to school. I looked out the window of my car, and admired the beautiful and old view of the city I'd been living in for almost twelve years now. I didn't even remember not living in here.

The sun was peeking through the clouds in the sky and it made a pattern of shadows on the ground that resembled a waterfall from the depths of the Amazon forest with all the little animals running around it—the clouds were moving.

I sighed to myself, because no matter how much I liked the view, it still bugged me how much green I saw every damn day. Green. I think the color started to disgust me somewhere between fifth or sixth grade. I looked around once again, and shook my head with displeasure. The trees were passing by me so fast, they looked unfocused and after a moment I could no longer distinguish shapes and everything just became a greenish blotch…

As I drove through the city I began to imagine how my day was going to be, if anyone was going to be ridiculously different and if anyone would notice the subtle changes in me. I smiled proudly to myself, I was not the same girl everyone used to adore—and sometimes abused; I had changed.

I was tougher, less naive and most of all, I was more self-confident.

I liked who I was mentally and physically, which was not an easy task to achieve given my insecure past. I promised myself I was going to accept every challenge thrown my way and look at everything with different, optimistic eyes. I was a changed Bella. _A Bella that is going to be late for her first class,_ I thought as I looked at the clock in my cell. I rushed through the streets, earning a few angry yells from the people I almost ran over.

"Sorry," I yelled as I entered the school parking lot.

I quickly grabbed my purse and my books, and made my way through the school's corridors stopping by my locker to leave there all my unnecessary books.

 _Dead weight, if you ask me._

I greeted the school's janitor, my long time friend, as I rushed to get to class. Clumsy as I was, I rammed into someone—that had a big, hard as granite, muscled chest—, and stumbled backwards because of the force of the hit. I groaned aloud as I rubbed my forehead, already feeling a lump forming in it. I looked up to see a big, dimpled, goofy face smiling at me.

"You okay there, little one?" asked a friendly smiling voice.

"Yeah, sure...sorry," I mumbled into the hand covering my mouth as the other rubbed my sore neck from the effort of looking so up high.

"Gotta go, see ya."

I dashed through the hallway and, in a matter of seconds, I was in front of my classroom knocking lightly as if afraid of waking up a giant troll. My mind didn't even absorb the fact that I didn't know the guy I had just ran into.

"Come in," I heard Mrs. Watson say.

I didn't know how it was possible, but I found myself reveling in her nasal, nagging voice. I entered the white, squared classroom shyly, trying to make as minimum noise as possible as not to disturb the class which had begun fifteen minutes earlier.

"Ms. Swan, how wonderful of you to join us," Mrs. Watson's voice was dripping with sarcasm as she stood up from her wooden desk opposite the door.

Mrs. Watson wasn't the most...joyful teacher. Even though, ninety percent of the other teachers would let me enter without having to put on a show, this one was nothing like them. She lived for the drama of embarrassing her students, like me, when they were late for class, even if it was the first day of school and everyone else would've cut them some slack.

"Late on your first day, that's the way to make a good impression," she snickered.

I rolled my eyes, as she wrote something, probably about me, on her notebook. Her fingers twisted around her pencil and she almost ripped the page apart with her red claws.

I didn't reply, trying not to anger the beast and made my way to the only available seat—which was next to this handsome boy who I had ever seen in my life at school—as she had indicated with her hand. I noticed some people were waving at me, smiling, and I waved them back.

As I looked at the guy, the world stopped spinning and it was like I was seeing everything in slow motion like in a movie script.

Everything else disappeared into the background and all I could focus on was the Adonis in front of me.

He was tall and muscled, but not too much, his skin was pale and it seemed to glow. He was dressed in light blue jeans that fitted his ass perfectly, from the angle I was looking. He was wearing a grey t-shirt that clung to his chest and abs. _Oh God, he's just…_ I stood there ogling him until someone coughed and I snapped out of it.

"Hi," he said, taking his hand out for me to shake as I approached him.

"Hi," I replied as I shook his hand and sat in the wooden chair next to him, feeling an electrical current from my tiptoes up to the roots of my hair.

Once I caught a glance at his face, he was even more handsome. I mean the bronze messy hair had me in a puddle at his feet, but those big green eyes made me surrender in a second. Maybe I liked green after all.

Who was this God-like person who made my insides tingle?

"I'm Edward, by the way," he said smiling awkwardly, waving his hand in front of his face.

"Isabella, but I go by Bella," I replied with a small smile of own.

His face was completely flawless, his chin was sharp and straight and his voice... oh, his voice was just so smooth, like velvet and it made me sigh dreamily for him. It made me hope he would talk again. _Oh God, what's happening to me?_

I cleared my throat, trying to make sense of everything I was feeling for this complete stranger and maintain some dignity, and as I did this, it hit me; I was completely and utterly dumbstruck by him and I couldn't let it happen.

No, I was going to focus on school as I had planned from the beginning and if that implied having to ignore this gorgeous specimen, than that was what I was going to do.

"Did you know that Bella means beautiful in Italian?" he asked, pulling me back from my thoughts.

I shook my head discreetly, trying to connect the words he had just said, and blinking several times as he smiled to me—a smile so big, it showed off all of his perfect, white teeth.

"Stupid Colgate smile," I muttered under my breath as I opened my notebook and started writing down whatever it was Mrs. Watson was saying about word pronunciation.

From the corner of my eye, I saw Edward looking at me like I was crazy, shaking his head and smiling, once again, to himself and then he just chuckled. He sat there, staring as he waited for my answer—the one that was not coming—, giving me all of his attention. Trying to ignore him and the hole that he must've been digging in the side of my head, I looked around and gasped at the hateful looks every single girl in class was giving me.

I caught one of them breaking her pencil as she growled at me, marking her territory, I suppose... _What the hell is happening?_

Seriously, the whole female class looked like savage animals—showing me their sharp, white teeth as their saliva slipped down their chins and their hair a complete, filthy mess—which freaked me out a bit... I made the mistake of looking at my left and found Edward still staring at me. I did the same, and nodded to his earlier question when he raised his eyebrow questioningly. It seemed to have been asked a million years ago.

As I looked into his deep, beautiful, green eyes and white smile, I lost train of thought and my eyes were suddenly unable to focus.

Once he realized my reaction, he shook his head and smirked, breaking our connection and looking at Mrs. Watson.

Well, I wasn't going to give myself away any more than I had already, and let him know that he had just dazzled me.

Resolute, I looked straight ahead, giving the hint that I didn't want to talk to him, which may have seemed a bit rude considering he was the new kid in a new school—for him at least.

I kept doing the same thing the rest of the class did: took notes, looked at Mrs. Watson, ignored the crazy, death glares, and ignored Edward. That last part they weren't doing, in fact they were almost fighting to see who would have his attention next and who was going to kill me. _Hilarious._

It was not my fault Edward was the only one who didn't have anyone sitting next to him when I arrived, making his the only available desk where I could sit.

I just didn't get it...

Why were they acting completely insane towards each other because of Edward? Okay, maybe I did get it, but this was too much. By the end of class I was sure someone was going to murder me, stabbing me while I had my back to them... Crazy shit happens when no one's expecting it.

"What's the problem, Bella?" he asked, turning to me with a worried expression.

"Nothing's wrong, don't worry about me. I just want this class to be over," I answered before turning away.

I returned Mrs. Watson my full undivided attention, once again. I could feel him looking at me but I didn't want to give him the pleasure of knowing the effect he had on me, more than he already knew. I mean, it's not that difficult...every time he came closer to me during the last hour I would jump in my seat and sigh with relief every time he scooted away.

Suddenly, the bell rang and I stood up.

"May I walk with you?" he asked, squeezing my hand before I noticed what he was doing. I quickly pulled it away, not wanting to give him the wrong impression.

"Look Edward, I don't know how it worked where you came from, but here we don't hold hands like whores give crabs, okay?" I spat.

I moved away from him like I was repulsed by the mere thought of touching him—which was totally not the case. I didn't even know why I had said such a rude thing; I was out of my mind. I blamed it on hormones.

Where was my sudden confidence coming from?

I was happy I could talk to him without stuttering but it totally surprised me considering I was expecting not to be able to form full words… I did not want to be acting like a bitch, but the words were leaving my mouth before I could stop them. _Way to go, Bella!_

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it..." he stuttered embarrassed.

"No, no… I'm sorry; I don't know where that came from..." I apologized waving my hand, referring to my previous behavior and looked at the ground ashamed.

"Can I walk with you? I think if I stay here any longer I'm going to be raped," he joked jovially, trying to lighten the mood and looking around to the horny teenager girls who were undressing him with their eyes.

 _Imagine what they would do if they could touch him._

He fidgeted nervously like he was embarrassed by the thought.

"Sure, but I should warn you I'm going outside," I told him.

"It's okay... it's also very windy, Bella. Are you sure you want to go out there?" he asked a little confused. I turned to look at him as I made my way, through my peers, to the exit.

As I did this, I asked myself why I couldn't just stop talking to him when it had been so damn easy, _definitely not easy,_ when class had first started. I twisted my nose like I smelled something really nasty and looked at him straight in the eye.

"I know it is but I'm going anyway. Feel free to come with me or don't. It's up to you," I said and walked out of the classroom.

I didn't feel him by my side so I figured he wasn't coming which made my mind happy and sad at the same time—confused because part of me was attracted to him while the other part wanted to concentrate in school and others things that more important.

I was crossing the school's gate when I felt someone grabbing my arm and pulling me back.

"Wait, please," the velvet voice pleaded. I turned to see who had touched me and I was surprised to see Edward. His perfect shaped face was looking at me with pleading green eyes—the ones that made me crumble to dust. The ones I shouldn't like.

"I'm sorry. I wanted to follow you but the girls cornered me in the classroom as soon as you walked out," he sounded guilty as if it had been all is fault.

I just kept walking. He followed me anyway. I stopped a few feet away from the school and opened my purse, grabbing my pack of cigarettes and pulling one out. I slipped my hand in my jeans pocket, searching for my lighter and stressed when I didn't find it right away.

"You really shouldn't smoke," Edward said with a harsh tone as I pulled the thing from my jeans and lit the damn cigarette. He shook his head disapprovingly. "It only harms you and doesn't give you any pleasure. I don't know why people do it, seriously."

"Yes, you're right," I said as I puffed on it. "I shouldn't."

"Then, why do you do it?" he quizzed, looking perplexed.

Hmm, smoking…

It was definitely not one of my greatest ideas, but it served its purpose when I needed to relax—it was a habit I turned to when in time of need.

One of my many flaws was my addiction to nicotine, a stupid one in fact, because I started smoking to prove that I was a woman.

I don't really know how I got to the conclusion that smoking would make me feel like an adult, but I did it anyway and now I couldn't survive without my pack of cigarettes and my lighter—even when I was sick, which was kind of dumb considering it could make me worse.

"Bella?" Edward asked worriedly, shaking my shoulder lightly.

"Sorry, I was just thinking…" I replied, blinking a couple of times before answering his earlier question. "I do it because I'm stupid and don't have enough willpower to stop and frankly I don't want to… I like it now."

I shrugged noncommittally.

"Oh," was his brilliant reply. He seemed to be deep in thought like he was concentrating hard on something, judging by the frown on his face.

I looked to the ground, expecting him to lash out on me like so many others had done, but heard nothing…

I looked at his hand which was still grabbing my arm and then looked up at him saying, without full or _any_ words at all that he needed to remove it. He noticed and let go. I was struck with a painful feeling, a feeling I wasn't expecting but that really shouldn't have surprised me at all.

I shook myself a little trying to make it disappear.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I had no intention of harming you or grabbing you like that," his voice was full of regret and frustration like I was, somehow, angry at him...okay maybe I was a little bit but, as delusional as it might seem, I felt like something was missing and my skin was yearning for his touch again.

"It's okay, Edward," I said with a warm smile when he looked at the ground like he was ashamed of his actions. "Are you okay?" I asked as I patted his shoulder and puffed on the cigarette.

"Yes. Don't worry, love," I chocked on the smoke the second he said 'love' and glanced at him with both a surprised and a horrified expression.

He patted my back, trying to help me breathe normally again as I made my last dying wishes thinking I was about to drop dead in front of the entire school student body because of him.

Once I was able to breathe, he continued. "If there's a problem with me calling you 'love' just tell me. I won't call you that again," he went to grab my hand but I flinched and looked at him straight in the eye, reminding him of our earlier conversation.

The one about whores…and crabs.

"I know you're used to having girls all over your face but that's not me. I'd prefer if you kept your lovely nicknames to yourself," I snapped venomously and immediately clamped my mouth shut with my hand, regretting the words the second they left my mouth, but I was not going to drool over him.

 _You wish!_

 _At first, he just stood there with his mouth wide open and his eyes about to pop out of his face, shocked…_

But before I could worry too much about Edward being upset, he doubled over in laughter, completely erasing any worries that had ingrained their way into my brain. I glared at him, and stood on my cigarette, extinguishing it.

The bell rang suddenly and we went back to class without saying a word—at least I didn't because Edward was still laughing is ass off.

To my surprise (not), Edward sat next to me.

I thought he'd be kind of hurt with my words but clearly that was not the case, and eventually he stopped laughing...only to grin at me like a fucking idiot. I couldn't stop myself from thinking that he looked almost adorable. I slapped myself in the forehead and tried to pay attention to what the teacher was saying, even though I already knew it—I'm that great.

I couldn't stop thinking about the way Edward's touch had felt when he had grabbed my hand and arm.

It was like an electrical current was inside my skin, in my blood.

My heart had started racing and my breathing had stopped, making my cheeks red and my eyes wide as saucers. I didn't seem to be able to control myself around him which was kind of frustrating given the fact that I was set on only being is friend and even though, I had only known him a couple of hours earlier, I was behaving this badly already.

Fortunately, Edward didn't try to make conversation with me, as he was struggling to understand what was being said. I didn't complain, only helping him when absolutely necessary.

Before I knew it, I was having lunch with my group of friends. Edward was with his family, which was a shock to me because I didn't even know his family was here, but it kind of maked sense… _stupid me._

The girls were kind enough to tell me the story behind Edward's arrival.

He and his family had arrived from Chicago to Forks a week before, but they were so busy with moving that they hadn't got the time to connect and socialize with the rest of the city's population.

His father was a world renowned neurosurgeon and he had decided to come to a small town—also known as Forks—because his wife wanted a more relaxing lifestyle than the one Chicago had to offer. From what was being told around school, the big shot family, the Hales, which had also arrived three months before, were great friends with Edward's and it seemed they all got along, so he wasn't the only new kid after all...

He had two siblings, a brother and a sister, the latter being his age and the former being one year older than them.

His name was Emmett, he was the one I had stumbled into this morning as I ran my way to class, and he was not single—which apparently was not a huge deal breaker to the girls. His sister was Alice, the complete opposite of her brothers, a short, tiny little girl with black spiky hair, and a pixie-like face. They had green eyes, too, just like their brother...which were from their stay-at-home mother, Esme.

"How do you know that they have their mother's eyes?" I asked a little confused as I shredded my bread into small pieces and drank my apple juice with a straw.

"I've seen her," Jane whispered conspicuously, like she was sharing this huge secret that no one was supposed to know.

I sighed and continued to listen to her rambling about the rest of the family and explaining how she met Mrs. Cullen at the grocery store.

I drew little snowmen in my plate with the rest of my food; I was definitely not hungry when she started talking about her daydreams with some Jasper guy, telling us how she imagined he would kiss her and that she was so much better than the skank he was seeing...

I blinked trying to coerce my brain into processing.

"Who's Jasper?" I asked looking at Jane's annoyed face and Jessica's amused one. I could really space out if the conversation wasn't interesting enough to make me want to waste my energy listening to it.

"He's Rosalie's twin brother," she said, turning away from me and continuing to tell in detail her daydreams. I was just about to barf when I realized I also didn't know any Rosalie. Who was she talking about?

"Who's Rosalie?" I asked louder, immediately catching her undivided attention.

"You didn't hear a word I said so far, did you?" she asked as she raised her eyebrow, clearly telling me she wouldn't believe any of my sorry ass excuses.

"No…?" it was supposed to be a statement, but it came out more like a question. Jane just stared at me waiting with her arms crossed over her chest, her back slumped in the chair she was sitting in. "Definitely no."

"Thought so," she said smugly, looking a bit upset, but nothing that couldn't be fixed. "Look to your right," I did as I was told as she pointed with her finger to a table in the corner of the cafeteria, "…see that blond girl and dude sitting next to Emmett?"

Oh, I was seeing alright.

I was seeing the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my whole life.

Rosalie was gorgeous. She had blonde curly hair and big shiny blue eyes. She was also blessed with a perfect, curvy body. Emmett was by her side, joking about something by the way Jasper was laughing after he spoke. They were hugging each other, patting one another on their backs like they had done a good job. Jasper was blond too, tall and muscled but not as much as Emmett.

"They're the Hale's who got here a few months ago…" she explained. "Someone told me they're cousins…" Jane added conspiratorially, lowering her voice and her head as she bent her upper body across the cafeteria table and supported her head in her hands.

"But they're dating!" Jessica shrieked, disgusted with the thought.

"Who's dating?" I asked, curious as to why they were with their mouths wide open with shock and outrage.

"Rosalie and Emmett, Bella! Pay attention, for once in your life," she admonished, huffing and puffing because I was making her repeat herself.

"Alice and Jasper are, too," Jane added, and Jess gasped as her right hand flew to her chest and her left one covered her mouth.

"So what?" I asked, rolling my eyes and shrugging.

"Bella! They're cousins and they're dating!" she yelled, making everyone in the cafeteria stare at us like we were completely crazy.

They averted their eyes when the girls glared at them and I started thinking…

Could they really be cousins? I mean, Jessica and Jane weren't exactly known for their truthful rumors…and wasn't it illegal? Maybe, the Hales and the Cullens were in one of those religions that think incest is acceptable. Who am I to judge? Jess and Jane were probably lying about it anyway.

"That's just wrong…" Lauren said as she shook her head in disbelief and frowned. She opened the water bottle she was holding in her hands and took a sip. "What do you think, Bella?"

Everyone turned to me, wanting to know what I thought on the subject and the truth was I didn't know what to say because it was none of my business and I was getting sick of all the shit people said behind other people's back. Jane and Lauren were two faced, nice to each other when they had to be, but once they were apart they turned on one another.

"Hmm, don't know," I replied, shrugging as I stared at my plate, bored.

"Bella, you're no fun," Lauren whined like a seven year old as she ate her lunch, and threw a crumb at me.

I rolled my eyes and cleaned myself. I got up as soon as the bell rang, which indicated the end of lunch time, and grabbed my bag as the crowd made its way through the glass doors, out of the lunch room. They all followed me…

I felt him before I saw him—a blur of messy, bronze hair a few feet away from me.

My heart picked up, my palms got sweaty as did the back of my neck.

I walked faster, trying to go unnoticed but it was unnecessary… Edward's head snapped and looked straight into my eyes, as if he could feel my presence even without looking at me. I felt myself smile and tried to stop it before it grew out of proportion.

He smiled back at me, stopping in the middle of the hallway, across from me and raised his palm asking me to wait. I nodded and gestured to the girls, telling them to continue their way to class, and not to wait for me. They frowned, confused by my request but did as they were told and walked away.

I watched as Edward pulled his sister by her hand mid-step and turned her around so that they were face to face. He leaned down; his face close to her ear as his lips barely moved, but I could tell he was saying something to her even if it was too low for my ears to hear.

The other members of his family had stopped too when they noticed that Alice and Edward had stayed behind, they were now looking at them, frowning, probably not understanding what was happening.

Then, he waved goodbye at them and turned to me, not waiting to see them leave. He took a few steps towards me and stopped when we were only twenty inches apart, which made me breathe raggedly.

"Looking good, Bella," he praised jovially, grabbing the shoulder strap of his bag more firmly.

"You, too. How was lunch?" I asked, as I leaned against the wall and rested my head in it.

I let my purse slide down my shoulder and hit the floor. My heart was pounding and the air seemed too heavy to breathe. I twitched my fingers as I waited for him to answer—like it was a big deal. It wasn't.

"Yeah, you going to Biology?" he scratched the back of his neck, shifting his weight from foot to foot nervously.

"Yeah," I smiled foolishly and picked up my purse. "You coming?" I asked looking back at him over my shoulder as I walked towards the classroom and, noticed we were late when I glanced at my watch.

"Yeah, yeah," he whispered looking flustered, running a bit until he was next to me.

"We're late," I warned him, increasing the speed of my pace, trying not to be late again on the first day.

He put his hand in his jeans pocket and shuffled it, searching for something. He huffed as he pulled on the pocket's cloth and nothing came out. He tried on his other pocket and stopped walking, smiling when he finally found the damn thing—his phone.

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath as he glanced at the time.

He grabbed my hand and dragged me through the hallway to our classroom, lightning speed. I gasped surprised with his boldness. He had, once again, grabbed my hand after I had told him specifically that I didn't want him to. The difference was that this time I didn't mind one bit.

I let go of his hand when we reached the classroom.

We knocked on the door quietly once we arrived, breathing hard, and were greeted by a very upset Mr. Banner.

He told us not to do it again and to take our seats and stay quiet. We did as we were told, not wanting to get detention on the end of the day. I took notes and glanced regularly at Edward, who smiled at me every time, shaking his head to himself and returning his attention to the class, afterwards.

I liked seeing Edward during class, he messed his hair even more when he was having trouble understanding things, furrowing his eyebrow into a V and resting his forehead on his palm. He would, then, shake his head and look at the blackboard with a new stash of determination. He also took quick glances at me, winking from time to time until Mr. Banner called him out on it and he stopped.

I was bored; I already knew what was being taught today because I had spent the entire summer reading the textbooks from every subject, so that I could be prepared when the time came.

Yes, I was a complete nerd but who could judge me?

I wanted to go to a good college, to get out of Forks and visit the exotic, fantastic and different places from around the world…and to do that I needed great, excellent grades. It wasn't like I didn't go out, I did… I just didn't spend every minute with the rest of the group on First beach partying like the crazy teens from _Project X_.

I liked that movie, there was one song that I loved but I couldn't remember the name… What was it? Man, I loved it…

"Bella?" a velvety voice asked me, waking me up from my rambling thoughts.

Someone nudged my shoulder and I looked to my right ready to snap at the idiot. But my resolve immediately crumbled when I saw that the idiot was Edward and that he was calling me because the class had already ended. I hadn't noticed.

"Sorry," I mumbled, picking up my bag and setting it on the table.

I threw my books into it, not caring if the pages got creased. Edward waited until I got everything ready and then he walked me to the parking lot without a word.

We were so close that our hands almost touched, sending electric shocks through my body when our pinkies brushed together.

From my peripheral vision, I saw him glancing at our hands and then at me, like he was trying to gauge my reaction if he eventually joined them. I didn't understand his fear, we had hold hands when we were rushing to the class and I hadn't said anything. Nevertheless, I kept my cool, reminding myself that we were mere acquaintances; the problem was my body wasn't listening to my brain.

Once outside, I stopped and turned to him, ready to say goodbye but I saw Jess and Jane looking at us, whispering to each other and smirking knowingly. They were standing by my car, waiting for some juicy details about the newcomer. Neither of them had Edward in their classes.

"Bye, Bella," he walked off to a Volvo where his siblings stood after he gave me one of most his dazzling smiles. He took the keys from his backpack and opened the car, sitting in the driver seat. They followed his lead and took off from the parking lot.

I didn't even have time to say goodbye back. Wasting no time, I went to my car as I prayed not to be assaulted by a million questions…

"Bella!" Jess shrieked once I got near them. "Tell us everything!"

"Hey," I waved as I grimaced. "Don't you guys have to go home or something?" I asked, hope coloring my voice.

"Not right now," Jane said grinning, as she leaned against the truck's side door.

I arched my eyebrow at them and looked through my bag for my car keys, supporting it on top of my knee.

I was so not in the mood for this… I huffed in annoyance and pleaded to my brain to invent a really good excuse that could prevent the interrogatory from happening. Suddenly, there was light and I turned to look at them with a fake, sad smile plastered on my face.

"Sorry girls, but Renee needs my help today," their smiles faltered a little and Jess pouted ridiculously; if she was trying to look cute, she was failing.

"Oh, maybe we can call you later?" she asked hopefully with her hands clasped over her chest and Jane mimicked her.

"Today's not good, but tomorrow…I'll talk to you tomorrow," I nodded my head and blew them a kiss, pulling Jane off my door gently. I hopped in, waving as I made my way out of the damn school, and sped my way home.

As I looked out of the window and let my hair wave with the breeze, I started thinking about Edward and how childish it was to just like a person without knowing them. I never did that, especially after the last fiasco with _him_ … No, I wasn't going down that road again. I was going to focus on school like I had decided, no matter what the costs were. I could do this. I would do this.

I turned the radio on and listened as Bridgit Mendler's _Hurricane_ started playing. I turned the volume of the speakers up and danced in my seat to the rhythm of the music, singing along with it.

I took the chance to empty my mind of all the thoughts regarding school, Edward, and _him_ and to just enjoy the time I had alone until I was home with my chaotic mother and my silent father.

 **A/N:**

Hi! I hoped you liked it. This was the very first fanfic that I wrote. It isn't finished yet. I started writing a few years ago and then forgot about it altogether... until now!

Oh! I changed the name of this fic. It used to be called "Pepper Hot".

If you feel like it, please leave a review so that I can know your thoughts about this fic, wether they are good or bad. If they're bad, feel free to be gentle about it.

Until next time!


	2. (Un)Controlled

**Disclaimer: Still not owning Twilight.**

 **Past-aholics Anonymous**

 **Chapter Two**

 _(Un)Controlled_

That day when I had gotten home, Charlie hadn't arrived yet so I was stuck with Renee and had to listen to her babbling about her newest date, Phil Dwyer, and how she wanted to finally get out of Charlie's Goddamn house. She described him as a very romantic and confident person, with greenish eyes and light brown hair. Apparently, the fact that he was fifteen years younger than her wasn't important, because I only discovered that when Charlie got home and called her a cougar.

Yeah, their relationship wasn't the best, but we managed…most of the time.

They got a divorce when I was sixteen, two years ago, and everything had worked out fine, at the time. They agreed the marriage wasn't working and that they should try to be happy separately, since Renee didn't like Forks one bit and wanted to come back to her old home, in Florida, and Charlie just couldn't put up with her spiritual crap anymore.

The real problem appeared when they had to decide who was going to get my custody, since they both wanted it. Renee wanted to take me with her, and Charlie wanted me to stay where I was.

So, when the judge decided I should stay with my dad because Renee didn't have any money, she freaked out and said that it wasn't fair. That she too, deserved to be with her little girl.

I think the judge was just about ready to rip his head off and yank his hairs, one by one, at the end.

Once Renee accepted her defeat, she decided to stay in Forks, so that she could see me, even though she hated the rainy, green city she was living in. But she didn't have any money—she didn't work for years, living out of what Charlie brought home—so, instead of moving out and getting her own place, she had to stay with my dad and me.

And that wasn't what everyone was expecting.

Especially Charlie, who still cared for Renee despite her slight craziness, and had to see her going out on dates with random guys.

He didn't like it one bit.

"Charlie!" my mom shrieked, as my dad spilled orange juice on her new white blouse.

"Sorry…" he grimaced, as he grabbed a napkin and tried to clean up the mess that was on Renee's chest.

"I'm going to kill you!" she yelled in frustration, her hands in tight fists by her side.

She was fuming when she stomped her foot and turned around, leaving the kitchen to go to her bedroom. She shook her head, looking at the ground, mumbling something too low for my ears to hear.

"Shit," Charlie muttered under his breath, as he pinched the bridge of his nose and got up to follow his ex-wife and apologize once again.

Renee had been having a shitty month, her hormones were all over the place because she had reached a certain age and she wasn't feeling good. Sometimes, she'd feel super hot and sweat like a pig when, in reality, it was freaking cold. She'd bitch about it the entire day because that was what she did, now. She'd bitch about everything that didn't go according to plan and Charlie was the one dealing with it. The only thing that was perfect in her eyes was Phil.

Charlie was not managing very well… Sometimes he'd get so frustrated with Renee, he'd just scream for a couple of seconds before he realized he had made her cry.

They were making _me_ crazy.

I exhaled quietly, praying my morning headache to disappear just for today. I'd already had a bad start when Renee decided to wake me up with a horn, saying it was good for the heart… _only if you want me to shit my pants and die._ I shook my head as I rubbed my eyes, I was completely exhausted.

I stood and walked up the stairs to my bedroom, closing the door as I entered and stripping to my underwear. I grabbed a deep, blue blouse and shoved it through my head as well as the jeans that were lying on top of my chair. I grabbed my car keys, my bag and my black jacket and was out of the front door before I had even blinked.

It was Charlie's day off, so he had been staying at the house all morning, listening to Renee and hoping she would just shut the hell up. I knew the feeling.

I just wanted to be out of there before the screaming started again.

Time passed pretty quickly as my mind wandered off to another world where everything was a lot easier than in reality.

I dreamed of not having to work my butt off to have a little bit of money to spend on things for myself. With an unemployed Renee in the house and Charlie's money the only thing to keep us floating, my monthly allowance wasn't even enough to pay the gas for my truck, so I had to get a job. Luckily, Mrs. Newton was fond of me and hoped that, one day, her son and I would get together. I snorted at the thought. _Only in your dreams, dear._

Thankfully, I got to school on time and Mrs. Watson didn't say anything to me. And that was good because I would have exploded if she had. And it wouldn't have been pretty to see.

I went outside to smoke as soon the bell rang to indicate the end of first class. I was making my way to my usual spot, when I heard my name being called by a very familiar and unwanted voice. A chill went up my spine and I shivered. I just didn't want to put up with _him_ today.

"Bella!"

I kept walking…

"Bella!"

And walking…

"Bella!"

I heard some shuffling and _he_ grabbed my arm.

"What?" I asked, turning around and facing him.

His face was still as beautiful as ever.

The hard lines that made his chin were even more evident now that he had grown up some.

More man, less boy.

The color of his skin was a wonderful russet, the complete opposite of mine, and his brown eyes were everything but ordinary.

They were rich, deep and soulful.

He exuded an unwavering confidence and power; the air modified in his presence, it was harder to breathe. He was a king, and we were his subjects. There was a time where I was ruling right by his side; I had been his queen.

"Good morning to you, too, sunshine," he grinned, freeing my arm of his hard grip.

"It would've been if I hadn't seen you," I said with an innocent smile and a wink; pain hidden in plain sight.

He chuckled.

I looked around and saw that we were alone. His friends were just a few feet away from us, but it was enough to give us a sense of privacy that didn't actually exist. I bet that they were listening to the whole thing; he was just trying to prove that he could get in my good graces and fuck me again.

That probably wasn't true, but I was not in a good mood.

"You don't need to be so aggressive…I know how you like it, remember?" he wiggled his eyebrow up and down suggestively and chuckled. He gave me a friendly pat on the shoulder as if this was just our normal, playful banter. As if it was part of the routine. It wasn't anymore. It couldn't be.

"I bleach my brain every time that comes to my mind," I faked a shudder. The next question came out as a hiss, but I didn't mean it…not really. "What do you want?"

His lips twitched a little as if he was hurt that I had cut the conversation short. He looked to my eyes a little longer, looking or searching for something that probably wasn't there.

I couldn't do this anymore.

I couldn't joke around with him as if nothing had happened, because that wasn't true.

Everything had changed when he had looked at me with those beautiful big brown eyes, and had told me that he couldn't make it, that he couldn't come to my anniversary dinner because his drug-dealing boss wanted him to make a delivery in Port Angeles at the same time I wanted him to be present, beside me.

And that was it. I couldn't deal with it any longer. I was done being put on hold every time his drug dealing boss would call.

The sound of his voice made me come back from that painful memory.

"I just wanted to ask if you had a lighter," he shrugged his shoulders, not meeting my eyes and taking a step back—a step away from me.

"What for?" I squinted my eyes, as if it would make me see better, as if it would make me see trough all of his stupid pretences. I tried to step in front of him, but he took another step back.

"What for?" he repeated as he cocked his head to the side, looking at me like I had two heads and was crazy.

"Yes," I said pissed off. "What do you want the lighter for?"

He visibly gulped, his eyes were huge.

"To smoke, Bella. What do you think?" he chuckled but it didn't sound sincere. It sounded forced as if he was trying to evade the question and not lie, but not telling the whole truth either.

"Smoke what?" I asked, tapping my right foot on the ground, my arms crossed over my chest.

"Jesus, will you give it a rest?" he sounded exasperated…but so was I.

"No," I shoved his chest with my index finger and asked again, saying each word with one little shove on the middle of it. "Smoke what?"

There was a long pause where neither of us backed down. His eyes were defiant, as if he was challenging me to do something about his non-answering. After a couple of minutes, he exhaled sharply and his body leaned forward—tired and defeated. His hand rubbed down his nose and chin, his mouth sad and his eyes seemingly dead.

"A joint, Bella," he finally answered. "We're going to smoke a joint. Are you happy now?"

"Not really…no."

I turned away from him, my eyes watering with the knowledge that he was still into that shit, which meant that he was still working for that bastard, Paul. With one last glance over my shoulder, I walked to class without having smoked my cigarette and without having borrowed the lighter to Jacob.

A single, salty tear fell down my cheek and splashed on the ground.

The walk represented much more than just a simple refusal; it meant that I was letting go, that I was trying to move on because I couldn't live in the vicious cycle that we appeared to be in for the rest of my life. There was something that told me that I could fall in and out of love as many times as I wished for.

I didn't owe anything to anyone and it was my right to do what I wanted.

My survival instincts were kicking in, finally; they were protecting me from Jacob and all the pain and sorrow that came with him. My heart recognized it and for once, it stood up for himself and demanded to be happy.

Jacob was my past and I looked forward for my future, I hoped.

I felt someone behind me before I saw them.

When I turned around, I met the innocent green eyes of the boy that I discovered I had great chemistry with.

And they were beautiful.

Even though green was not my favorite color in the whole word, and even though it wasn't the warm brown I was aching for, I found myself melting inside when my own eyes met his. They were new, fresh and had no background…no story to held them back.

"Hey, Bella," Edward said with a breathtaking smile.

"Hey, yourself," I grinned.

I took my time appreciating him.

His fabulous ass was covered in stylish grey jeans, the hard lines of his chest were almost jumping out of the black shirt he was wearing, the muscles of his arms flexed as he searched through his bag, his scruffy, unkempt copper hair made him look like he had just gotten out of bed or maybe had just gotten laid… _I wonder how he is in bed…probably wild and fierce and primitive…_

My thoughts were once again interrupted by the beautiful, smooth voice of the boy in front of me. And perhaps it was for the best as I was getting a little flustered thinking about it. I could be a very imaginative person, and that was good, but sometimes it was also a little inconvenient.

"Bella?" the God-like being asked, his nose scrunched up questioningly.

"Sorry, what did you say?" I asked looking down, straightening my blouse after I realized part of my bra was visible to everyone on the school. It definitely was not a good way for people to notice you.

I peeked at him through my hair when he didn't answer and realized he was otherwise occupied appreciating _me_ the same way I had appreciated _him_. His mouth was slightly open and his eyes were hooked on my cleavage. I pulled it up embarrassed.

My cheeks flamed red and I tucked a loose strand of hair in my ear. I needed to do something, I wanted him to speak, but he wasn't saying anything…apparently still mesmerized with my hard rock body. I could feel his green eyes burning through it, from the very top to the bottom. He was openly staring at me and I just didn't seem to have a bone in me that cared. Not even a little. I wanted him to be attracted to me.

He shifted, his weight resting on his right leg. He was adjusting himself.

I blushed harder.

I let out a whoosh of air, a little annoyed with my predictable, insecure behavior of the past. I admonished myself. I wasn't _that_ girl anymore. In that moment, I had to be the confident, straight forward one I had become in the summer after my heart was squashed by a selfish, immature, drug dealing boy whose name won't be mentioned in the foreseeable future.

Eventually, my body stopped being catalogued and a throat was cleared. I looked up with a new wave of confidence. At least, I hoped my stance appeared to be because, deep down, my insecure faults were rising alive once more.

"Red suits you," he smirked and gave me a little wink.

I looked down at myself, confused with his statement. I wasn't wearing anything red.

"Your blush is beautiful," he said, lowering his head so that we were eye to eye and pointing at my cheeks.

I blushed even more.

"Thanks," I mumbled, averting my eyes.

And then I smirked and turned to him.

"But if you wanted a picture, you just had to ask. There's no need to ogle me like you haven't seen a girl in ages."

He gaped at me for a second and then laughed his ass off. He didn't say anything else and neither did I. After laughing with him that is.

We walked to the classroom in a comfortable silence, one that didn't need to be filled with meaningless small talk. Our postures were relaxed and we leaned closer to each other as we got closer to our destination. His body was warm; I could feel the heat radiating from his clothes. My body was constantly assaulted with the need to touch his arm or hold his hand every time my own would brush against his. It wasn't rational. It couldn't be.

How can I feel this way if I don't even know him?

 _Well, that isn't exactly true. You've known him for two weeks now…_

 _Exactly. I've only known him for two weeks. That's not enough time to feel this way._

 _It's just physical, relax. Maybe if you slept together, you would calm the fuck down._

 _No._

 _Why the fuck not?_

 _Because…we're just friends._

 _Keep telling yourself that._

"We're here," he said in a quiet murmur when we came to a stop in front of the classroom.

"Thanks, Edward," I smiled genuinely.

He leaned forward, hesitantly. I could see the doubt in his eyes, the fear of rejection; but as much as I could see it, I didn't understand it. A couple of seconds passed and I could see he was still weighing the pros and the cons of whatever it was that he wanted to do. But time wasn't by our side and the bell rang, warning us to go to class once again.

"I…"

I felt a warmness lightly touch my right cheek, a soft kiss given by the smooth, full, red lips of the boy who could make my heart pound on my chest and eradicate all the pain that previously took place in there.

My mouth fell shut, my line of thought went blank and my sentence was left unfinished. I felt the rush of blood warming both my cheeks, and my eyes immediately searched his.

They looked surprised, as mine sure looked too, but also happy…content…bright.

I tried again.

"I…"

I paused. I didn't remember what I was going to say. I chewed on my bottom lip nervously.

"Meet me here at the end of the class?" he asked when I just stood there, looking at him without knowing what to do.

"Y-Yes," I answered eventually.

He smiled and turned around, walking to his next class, on the opposite side of the building. I stayed there for a little while longer, asking my heartbeat to slow down, trying to contain the joy that was evident on my face.

I was smiling like a kid that got a puppy for Christmas.

I didn't remember the last time I felt like this without having an enormous weight in my chest. _He_ was my first love and Edward didn't—couldn't—compare to him but he sure as hell was having a good start.

Maybe I could really move on.

Maybe it could be with Edward.

I smiled at the thought. And for once, didn't feel guilty when thinking about it.

"I didn't know you had a new boyfriend."

My whole body jerked alert and tensed, my feet stopped moving and I lost control over my body. My head spun around so fast, I don't know how I didn't break my neck. The voice was so familiar that I would have recognized it even in the middle of a screaming crowd.

"Jacob," it was a whisper, a moan.

"Who knew you could forget about me so easily," he spit venomously, angry and hurt, it seemed.

We looked in each other's eyes for a long moment; no one talked, no one breathed. The silence was absolute, heavy.

"You said you wouldn't forget about me," he murmured more to himself than to me, his stance completely changed, sad; completely different from earlier.

"I didn't forget about you," my heart pounded, this time in pain, guilt and sorrow. "I won't."

I took a step forward, unconsciously. My hands were clasped together firmly, my fingers intertwined over my chest as if on prayer. My bag was forgotten on the floor where it had fallen silently after sliding down my arm when I had jumped a little in surprise.

"It seems like it," he lifted his head slightly, pointing to the place where Edward had disappeared to. "You had that dreamy look on your face."

I didn't reply.

He sighed and rubbed down his face.

He kicked a bottle cap on the wooden floor of the hall, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slumped down, defeated.

"The one you get when you're thinking about something that makes you happy," he added distractedly, smiling softly to himself. "The one you used to get when thinking about _me_ ," he whispered the last part and my heart was aching for him.

My hand reached forward, reached for him but it fell limply by my side before it could touch him. He was only a few inches away from me. If I took a step forward our chests would touch, our hands would brush against each other and our mouths would be close enough that if I parted mine, and my tongue darted out a bit, it would touch his delicious, full lips.

The attraction attacked me in full force.

I took a step back, putting some space between us.

I opened the small window on the right side of the hall, the opposite of the classroom, and stuck my head out, inhaling some much needed fresh air. I couldn't breathe right. I was panting.

"Are you alright?" I felt a burn on my lower back in the shape of a hand—his hand. He was soothing me…or trying, at least…rubbing small circles and other shapes I couldn't distinguish on my back. It only made me more nervous and with a little push I stepped away from him, once again. It broke the contact and it allowed me to think a little better without all the fogginess that clouded my brain whenever _he_ was around.

"I'm late for class," I stated without looking at him.

"I am, too," he shrugged nonchalantly, after a while. "So?"

"I should get going," I moved for the door but suddenly I was met with a hard wall—Jacob's chest.

"Stay," it was a plea.

And I couldn't say no to that voice.

So, I stayed with him.

I forgot all about the classes I should've attended in the first place and forgot all about green eyes and soft caresses, small promises and blushing compliments.

 _He_ called and I went running, because no matter how many times I told myself that I was moving on, that I could forget _him_ and fall out of love with _him_ , _he_ never let me. _He_ would come back and I would hold on to whatever little piece of him he would give me, until I could no more.

I was stupid.

I was doing it all over again.

I was going to learn not to make the same mistakes a billion times.

 **A/N:**

Don't worry! This will eventually lead to what all of us want.

Edward... Hm... Yes! But it's going to be a bit of drive 'til we get there...

Or not. Depends on our dear Bella.

Next chapter is going to be hot! At least I hope so.

Drop a review and I'll update faster, yeah? Chapter three is ready to be posted.

Until next time!


	3. Behind You

**Diclaimer: Twilight is owned solely by one Mrs. Stephenie Meyer. I just play with the characters she provided us with.**

 **Past-aholics Anonymous**

 **Chapter Three**

 _Behind You_

Something hard and long poked me in the back and I stirred awake. Slowly I opened my eyes, everything was unfocused and blurry.

I was lying in an unknown bed, the sheets tangled on my feet. I could feel a small breeze caressing the naked skin on my legs and I shivered unconsciously. My back and my butt were warmer than the rest of my body. It wasn't freezing but it wasn't hot enough for me to be only on my underwear without anything else covering me up.

Someone moaned my name.

"Bella…"

The thing poked me again and I suddenly realized what it was and where I was. Long muscled arms were circling my waist, comforting and familiar…hugging me and locking me away from the rest of the world. They were protecting me, guarding me even in their deep slumber.

The owner of the squeezing arms moaned again.

"Bella…"

Now, that I was more awake and aware of my surroundings, I recognized the objects in my line of vision. The room was old; the deep blue paint coating the four walls of the small bedroom was peeling off, the water had eventually infiltrated the white ceiling and the wood on the floor was marred by it…but in spite of that, it was the comfiest room I had ever been in.

The desk on the other side of the room, parallel to the right side of the bed, was still on the same place. I could see it from where I was lying; full of books that were in complete disarray, it was strange not to see it tidy like it always used to be. Clothes were scattered all over the wooden floor, a sock was hanging on the lamp sitting on the nightstand, lonely and without its pair.

I remembered many mornings such as this one.

I just didn't expect it to happen again.

"Bella…"

This time the voice was more alive and the grip around my waist intensified. It didn't hurt but it wasn't comfortable either. I tried to turn around and face my slightly aroused lover, but he started to rub himself against me in small, delicate movements meant to drive me crazy.

His lips trailed soft wet kisses up my neck; his teeth nibbled my earlobe, his tongue darted out shyly, leaving evidence of its passage behind. My hands were instantly on top of his, my nails digging into his skin, almost drawing blood with the force of the pull. One of his legs slipped through mine and his knee rested against my core. It wasn't the only thing resting there.

His eagerness grew into epic proportions and mine moaned in expectation, longing to be stretched and filled in a way only his could do.

It lightly grazed my little bound of nerves from top to bottom, pausing in the opening we both wanted it to slip inside of and soaked my panties along the way. He was hard and ready. I was too.

"Bella…"

His hands lowered until they reached the hem of my underwear, tugging it down slowly, softly. His fingers took the opportunity to lightly skim that soft unblemished skin that was so sensitive to touch. I could see him smirk when I inhaled sharply; my intake of breath melting into a low moan when he did it again.

My neck was being slowly kissed the entire time, my cheeks flamed red every time his full lips reached my ear and spoke carefully chosen words.

My panties were on the end of the bed in a couple of seconds, having been thrown carelessly aside by large amazing hands owners of long perfect fingers. My breasts were uncovered shortly after, but not without being thoroughly kissed and nibbled. No part of my body was lacking attention. Every part of it was lit, almost as if on fire…my blood was rushing through my veins, my heart was pounding in my ears and I could feel it pounding in my lower lips as well.

His fingers trailed down my stomach; skimmed and grazed my skin, reaching lower and lower until they stopped just an inch away from where I wanted them.

"Please," I begged him, my hand griping his in a plea.

"Say it again," he demanded harshly.

"Please," it was a whispered moan that even I almost didn't hear.

"Louder," he ordered.

I didn't even have the strength to fight against him, to show him a taste of his own medicine. I was so lost in my own pleasure, in my own want that I couldn't think of anything else. I could only beg and obey, dig and grip, moan and hiss…

"Please…I-I can't take it anymore," I managed to choke between gasps.

"That's all I wanted to hear."

And I was in heaven.

I was alive.

I was moaning as soon as his fingers entered me furiously, immediately searching for the spot they had discovered themselves. His thumb rubbed circles as the others thrust in and out without mercy. No soft touches and wandering hands. These ones were firm, confident and powerful.

My own searched blindly behind me, fumbling until they found the wet hardness brushing against my ass. I wanted him to feel good too, no matter how hard it was to concentrate in a steady rhythm. My grip faltered slightly when he thrust one more finger inside of me, but I recovered quickly and continued to pump him eagerly.

We were moans and sharp breaths.

We were one in one swift thrust.

And we didn't stop until we were both crying out in relief.

"Bella…"

"Jacob..."

His name was out of my mouth at the same time mine was out of his. My nails dug on his back and our bodies jerked together in unison, sweaty and tired, finally satisfied.

I smiled lazily at him, my eyes almost closed with the force of the pleasure that hit me. He kissed my nose and got off me, falling limply by my side. There was a tentative arm trying to crawl its way beneath my head and it pushed me to his side until half of me was resting on top of him. It was exactly how it should've been.

And it couldn't happen again.

That knowledge wrecked my body inside out, not letting me enjoy the moment while I still could. My bottom lip trembled and my eyes watered. I sniffed silently and forbade myself of crying. I put my well-rehearsed mask on and told myself it was better this way. My brain celebrated and rejoiced in the defeat of my heart, spade held high above its head in triumph.

Jacob seemed to notice the change in my demeanor and immediately moved away from me. I looked him in the eye, apologizing without any words needed. He understood. It was evident in the painful look on his face, in the way his shoulder sagged and his eyes lost their cheerful glow.

And I was the culprit…as always.

It didn't surprise me if he knew the speech by heart; I always said the same thing. I couldn't do this, because it hurt us both and I didn't want that. I wanted us happy even if it meant we were better off separately. Our personalities were too alike not to clash and sometimes they clashed with such force that I didn't know how to be in the same room with him without wanting to slap him silly.

And the real problem was still existent. He was still working for Paul…and I was still not okay with it.

Yes, we had our differences and our relationship had always been troubled. It certainly wasn't the first time we had broken up, I didn't even know how many situations like this one we had been through…but the Paul problem was a recent impasse and a new addition to my speech.

"I…"

"Save it, Bella…I already know what you're going to say," he murmured quietly, looking down at his fumbling hands.

I got up and out of the bed, the tip of my fingers intentionally brushing against his in a quiet goodbye. He removed them quickly as if burnt by my touch. It hurt but I deserved it. I looked one last time at his perfectly naked body, memorizing each curve and every line. He was beautiful…but no longer mine.

"I can't do this anymore, Bella," his voice almost too low for me to hear.

"I know…it's eating away at me, too," I looked at my feet, getting angrier the more I thought about the reasons of our heartache. My brows furrow into a V and I chewed on my lip deep in thought…thinking of a way to make this easier or ending it once and for all.

"Can't we be together?" he asked shyly, moving closer to me.

"Not until you stop working for Paul," I stated, my determination unwavering.

"You know I can't do that, Bella," the regret was evident in his voice; the anger was masked with the resignation.

I stepped away from him, hurt with his words but knowing them to be true…so fucking true.

"And you know that I'm done being in second place."

"I know that, too…"

I didn't reply.

I had nothing to say. Every single word uttered in this small deep blue bedroom had been spoken already, only it was in a different place, at a different time.

We had broken up.

Again.

If we could call it that. I mean we hadn't even gotten back together, so…was it considered a break up?

Probably not.

When I finally got home that day it was kind of difficult to explain to my parents what had happened. Charlie was furious because the school had called and rightfully informed him that I was skipping school. Renee just wanted to know where I went and who was I with.

Telling them that I had been sick with a stomach ache because of my womanly time of the month didn't stick with Renee. And Charlie…well, even though, he went with it, he kept asking me why I didn't pick up the phone when they called. I didn't have a good excuse for that.

What was I supposed to tell them?

 _Sorry dad, Jacob and I were fucking like rabbits at his house. You know, the son of your best friend…my ex-boyfriend. I was enjoying his cock in my pussy too much to answer your calls._

I didn't think Charlie would take that statement too well.

So I took the punishment they thought fit the situation quietly and promised never to do it again.

"You are grounded for a week, Bella. When school's out, you come straight home. Don't bother trying to get out of this, missy," he pointed his finger at me.

It was actually funny. Charlie had his left hand on his left hip and was shaking his finger at me. His mustache was twitching and his face was red. I wondered what would happen if it actually turned purple.

Would he explode like in the cartoons?

"I know, dad. I will do it." I said dutifully with my head lowered and my chin tucked in my neck.

Charlie huffed. "Like you had a choice."

Well, that's true. I didn't have much choice. I had, for all purposes, fucked up royally.

But life went on and my "time out" passed quickly and uneventfully.

Life at Forks continued the same. I went to class, avoided Jacob and tried to stay out of trouble. The one thing that had changed was Edward.

Every day he would come to me in the morning, greet me and we talked for a little bit. Sometimes we had lunch together. When we didn't, he usually had lunch with his family or with his friends from the basketball team. Those days, I sat with the girls and their never ending questions about Edward and I and our non-existing relationship.

I found out we were alike in some aspects and very different in others. We had the same musical tastes. A little bit of everything, but rock was my cup of tea. Edward liked Debussy. It wasn't something I loved, but I could appreciate it nonetheless.

We spent more and more time together at my house or at his. We watched movies, did homework together and just hang out.

The sexual tension was killing me, though.

Edward might be my friend, but I couldn't deny that he was hot. Extremely so.

Shaking my head of impure thoughts of Edward, I got ready for school. A pair black denim skinny jeans and a silk blue blouse were already sitting still on my study chair. I got dressed quickly, put some make-up on and exited my bedroom.

"Bella!"

I stopped on the last step of the staircase once I heard my mother's voice. I turned to the kitchen door where I could her standing, poised like only a mother would.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" she raised her eyebrow at me.

"No…" I looked at her a bit confused.

"Breakfast, Bella. Breakfast," she said in a high pitched tone, raising her hands.

"Oh, I completely forgot. Maybe you and dad can have cereal this morning…I'm running late for school," I wasn't late, but I also wasn't in the mood to hear Renee brag about Phil or one of the many hobbies she was now interested in.

"I was talking about you, silly," she said chuckling. "Well, at least eat something at school before class starts. Okay?"

"Yeah, mom, sure."

I grabbed my car keys from the little bowl on the kitchen table, kissed my mom on the cheek and went to school. Charlie had already gone to work. Being the Chief of Police and all, he had to wake up way too early for a normal person.

When I got to the school parking lot, it was still pretty much empty, so I stood by my truck and took a cigarette out of my bag. I was itching to smoke.

Taking the first drag, I calmed right away. I watched as smoke whirled out in little waves out of my mouth.

After a while, people started arriving and I mingled.

Class was uneventful and boring. My gut was telling me that something bad was going to happen and I honestly didn't have the energy to deal with it. My stomach was grunting that it was hungry.

I was chilling against my truck between classes when I spotted him coming my way.

 _Please, not today. I don't have enough strength today._

"I didn't see you before English started," he said as he ran up to me, leaving his friends looking at us and expecting some kind of show.

"So what?" I shrugged. I didn't want to have this conversation with him, not here and not now.

I knew what he wanted, and even though I always admitted I had needs that needed to be taken care of, I just couldn't stand it anymore.

It was too much.

Jacob had taken our last talk to heart and like the big man he was, he started spreading shit about us around the school. Shit like I was his regular fuck and that he had used me. I knew he was just hurt by my words that day. And like I had done to him, he decided to hurt me with words, too.

But he didn't seem like he was coming to attack me. In fact, it seemed like he was going to be nice today. I just wanted to know what the hell he was going to say to me, because if an 'I'm sorry' didn't leave his mouth, we were going to have problems.

I had had enough of his shit.

And because of that, I couldn't talk to him in any form or shape unless it was a defensive or an offensive one.

"I wanted to ask you if we could go to my place after school," he said when he was a step away from me.

Jacob smiled at me without a care in the world, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"That's not a question," I stated, trying to sound as cold and undetached as a serial killer to his victim. I rummaged inside my bag, trying to find my pack of smokes. I lit one immediately after I found the damn thing.

He huffed indignantly and rolled his eyes at me.

"Fine. Do you want to fuck this afternoon?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm. I cringed at his choice of words, they were so raw. He was definitely not sugar coating the subject today.

I felt dirty. I always feel nowadays… well, until I met Edward but that is a different story and I didn't even see him this morning. I wondered briefly what might have happened to him, he hadn't gone to class and no one had seen him or his car in the parking lot.

"Well?" he prompted when I didn't respond, poking my arm with his index finger repeatedly until I smacked it in a futile attempt to make him stop. It didn't work and he didn't stop. It just got me all worked up again.

"No," I finally answered. I didn't make eye contact with him—I didn't know if I could handle looking to his big, brown eyes and not turn into a puddle of goo. My legs were wobbling just by thinking about it.

I was such a stupid fuck.

The guy was bad mouthing me and I was already second guessing my entire decision of staying away from him. Sometimes I wished I could just hit myself in the head with a big stony ass rock to see if I woke the hell up.

But when the matter was Jacob, I was everything but rational.

And it wasn't in a good way.

"No?" surprised colored every inch of his voice.

"No."

I crossed my arms over my chest, trying to look sure of myself so he wouldn't think he could coerce me into changing my mind, like he had so many other times.

"What do you mean 'no'?" he took a step closer to me and I could feel his eyes probing every inch of skin on my face. I didn't budge.

"I mean just what I said. No."

"What the fuck, Bella? Why not?" he asked so loud that some people four feet away from us could hear. He was so close he was almost in my face. I had to take a deep breath to get myself together and not yell at him to just get the fuck away from me.

"I don't want to," I managed to say. "It doesn't feel right."

"You didn't seem to have a problem with it before when I was fucking you from behind!"

My face was immediately covered by a bright red blush. My body reacted on its own and remembered the feel of his hands on my skin as he thrust deeper into me, grabbing my hips to keep me steady, and moaned my name over and over again until I could feel his seed spread inside of me.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

"Keep your voice down, for God's sake!" I hissed through clenched teeth as I pulled him farther away from the other students by his elbow so that our conversation wasn't overheard.

"Everyone knows we've been fucking since we broke up. It's not big news, you know?" he asked with an eyebrow raised as I hauled him back to a bench on the other side of the street. I pulled him down until he was sitting next to me and then I let go.

"We already had this conversation. We had already agreed that it was best to stay away from each other," I shrugged and tucked a lock of my mahogany hair behind my ear, smoothing it out on the way.

"Yeah, I know…"

"So what's this about?" I asked, crossing my arms in front of me.

"I don't know… I miss you, Bella."

"You didn't act like you were missing me when you were spreading fucked up rumors about us." I raised my bitch eyebrow at him.

"Yeah," he scratched the back of his head. "I was extremely fucked up for a couple of days. And I'm sorry I said those things about us. I hope you know I didn't mean any of it."

"You are so bipolar, you know that, right?"

"I'm sorry, truly. I don't know what's going on with me. I have this anger outbursts and then I'm completely calm. It's fucking hell."

"You know perfectly well what's going on with you." I told him matter-of-factly.

"What?" he asked confused.

"It's the shit Paul gives you."

"Are you fucking serious?" he asked, clearly upset with my statement.

"No."

Suddenly the bell rang and I motioned for Jacob to get going. I grabbed my bag from the ground and started walking in the direction of my next class. Before I could make it to the school's door, my elbow was grabbed. I turned and saw Jacob.

"I have to go, Jacob."

"I know, I know…" he dropped his hand from my elbow and took a step back.

He scratched the top of his head and scrunched up his nose. I looked at him and struggled not to chuckle. Somethings never change. Jacob always did the scratching thing when he was trying to find the right words to say what was on his mind.

"Just spit it out," I told him smiling slightly. I quickly put my bitch facade back on.

"I…I really am going to…to solve this mess and getting things straight…you were…are…very important to me. Our relationship wasn't a joke to me. I hope you know that," he looked away from him.

Speaking sincerely and from the heart wasn't Jacob's cup of tea. Honestly, the dude looked like he was choking on his own words sometimes.

"I know."

"Uh, well…great…I mean, yeah."

"I better get going to class. You should, too," I showed him the time on my phone. We were already five minutes late.

"Yeah, okay. Bye," he turned and waved, not looking back.

"Goodbye, Jacob," I said quietly.

 **A/N:**

I know, I know. Edward didn't even appear in this chapter. But don't worry! He will.

Do you think Bella will finally let go of Jacob?

Until next time!


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